On Being a Mother: Local Mothers Have Their Say

Interviews and Photos by Lois Spatz

There are several Moms in Wellington I've met over the last few years who have really touched me. So, instead of me writing about motherhood, I took this opportunity to ask some of my favorite moms to write about their experiences, challenges and joys on the subject and to give us a little advice. I hope they inspire you as much as they've inspired me. Here they are...in their own words.

Mother: Kristine Silva
5-year-old Skyler
3-year-old Rylan

I am a stay at home mother and wife of 14 years. (Yes...to the same man!) My husband Angel has really been an angel to me through all we have been through.

In my spare time, (which does not happen very often), I am a writer and photographer. I currently have a book being published.

Skyler is my little "Honey Bee." She loves swimming, music, and playing with her dolls. Ryan is my "Honey Bunny” and loves to run, jump, play soccer, swim and make people laugh with his funny faces.

It’s hard to believe that almost six years ago I nearly didn't make it to my first Mother’s day. My daughter’s birth was not an easy one, and there were many complications. She “died twice” during that night and was brought back twice. We struggled with many problems after her birth. She was in PT, OT and speech therapy beginning at three months old. Just when I thought the worst was over, we learned our daughter had regressive autism. The few words that she had, her cutie pie smile and little girl hugs slowly disappeared. It was one of the saddest days in my life when I learned of her autism.

However, with every negative in our life came a positive. Two months before her diagnosis, we gave birth to our son. My little boy was truly a blessing in disguise. If it were not for him, I fear depression would have gotten the best of me. He gave me every reason in the world to get out of bed in the morning. Not to mention he was so...loud! (And still is today!) Ryan helped me get through so many tough days. Now that he is three, he still has a way of making me laugh and has become a big brother to my daughter, even though technically he is the little brother. I guess it is just his way to be the big brother. (He weighed 11 pounds at birth).

The most wonderful part of being a mother is the unexpected surprises children can bring. Whether it is the word "Hi" from my daughter (which doesn’t happen every day) or my son picking a flower for me, it is the little things that I cherish the most.

Coincidentally, it is the unexpected surprises that can also be the most challenging too. Having a child with a disability is one of the hardest things I have had to go through. No one tells you what might happen if you have a child with a handicap or disability and it is not something that one can prepare for.

My own personal struggles both before and after having children have made me an even more sensitive and compassionate person. Most of all, it has made me a better and stronger mother than I ever thought I could be.

If there were one thing that I could have for my children it is for them to always be happy. If there were one thing I could change, it would be to find a cure for autism so my daughter and the many other families and mothers like myself would never ever have to endure the pain we have been through.

One piece of advice I would give new mothers is this—ALWAYS listen to your gut feeling! This is your mother’s intuition. You are your child's expert! You know him or her the best. The second piece of advice is NEVER take the small moments for granted. Spend that extra moment with your child, even if you’re tired. Take your child to get ice cream for no reason at all. And for a third piece of advice, “Always have a sense of humor.” This will get you through anything! Especially when your child spills that ice cream and hot fudge all over your white blouse...

(Look for Kristine’s book signing at “The Witch’s Hat” in Royal Palm Beach in the fall.)

Mother: Heidi Cote
8-year-old Alex

My husband Adam and I have lived in Wellington for about three years. I had two children—my son Alex, who is 8, and my son Nicholas, who would have been 6, but died on 6/18/03 at 19 months old. In 2006 I started a mutual help grief group at St. Peter’s United Methodist Church. The group is for anyone who has lost a loved one and needs a place to come and get the tools they need to get through day to day life.

I own and operate an environmentally-friendly cleaning service. I try to work while my son is in school. That can get hard when you are a business owner, but I am doing this for my family, so I make it happen.

Living in South Florida is expensive, so that is why I started my company. I show my son that working hard can and will get you places in life. I feel that I am showing my son that you can do and be anything, if you want to work for it. I am showing him that things do not just appear. You need to work for them. I am also showing him that material things are not important in life. It is love and family that are most important.

The best and most challenging part about having children is, strangely enough, the same thing. It is all the day-to-day stuff. Unconditional love and a good education are the most valuable things in life.

My advice to new moms is sleep now! And good luck!

(Heidi runs her own environmentally-friendly cleaning company Heidi’s House Cleaning and can be reached at 561-891-9536.)

Mother: Susan Rabinowitz
14-year-old Tyler Robert
13-year-old Nicolas Andrew
11-year-old Rachel Nicole
7-year-old Daniel Evan

My husband Paul and I moved our family to the Wellington area in 1998. We decided on Wellington primarily due to the school system and the reputation that this was a great place to raise a family. I was so impressed with this area I convinced my sister and her family to follow us here, as well as my parents and brothers. My family all live within 10 minutes of each other. The cousins go to the same schools, and play sports on the same fields.

I am currently a working mother, employed as a Credit Policy Officer for CNLBank. I have at times struggled with the work-family balance that most working moms deal with. At times I have put my career on hold while I focused solely on my family. I am currently in a good place when it comes to that balance because I have been fortunate enough to find a company that understands the importance of providing the flexibility in my schedule that I need as a mom.

It can be difficult to keep on top of our schedule with four active children and two working parents. However with the help of a color-coded dry erase board hanging in the laundry room we manage. (I had to laugh when it became apparent that my 7-year-old even knows how tight our schedule is. When discussing a Cub Scouts event with Ms. Oh, his teacher at Binks, he mentioned he would have to check with his mom to see if we could “work it into the schedule.”)

The 4pm to 8pm timeframe is extremely important family time. That is the time that we are going over homework, carpooling back and forth to activities, making dinner, having story time, bath time, and just hanging out together. As such, I leave work most days by 3pm, so I can be available to spend this time with my children. I will often go in early, work through lunch, or jump back into work after the kids are in bed to get my job done. In addition, I make myself available to work late one night a week. It is occasionally a tough schedule, but well worth the trade off. In my mind, it allows me to have both a healthy, happy family, and a rewarding career.

My oldest, Tyler Robert, is attending Dreyfoos Middle School of the Arts as a freshman in the Communications Program. He has a passion for filmmaking and creative writing and aspires to be the next Steven Spielberg.

Nicolas Andrew is a seventh grader attending BAK Middle School of the Arts. His focus is the Visual Arts with a desire to pursue architecture and drafting.

Rachel Nicole currently attends Binks Forest Elementary School as a 5th grader. She has auditioned to attend BAK Middle School of the Arts. She is an animal lover and would someday like to become a marine biologist. For now, she spends most of her time playing sports and drawing.

Daniel Evan also attends Binks and enjoys spending time with the family, putting on shows, and singing.

The best part of having children is being able to witness and be a part of something so much greater than either myself or husband could ever be alone. The most challenging part is trying to understand how best to motivate and develop each child based on their own unique personalities.

If I could do anything for my children, it would be to guarantee they would have a close bond with their siblings. I believe the definition of a strong family is where siblings truly care for each other, which is the greatest safety net to have.

As moms we do not have to be perfect. We can make mistakes and admit to our children when we make mistakes. And just as importantly, we have to allow our children to make mistakes and then be there with open arms to help them work through the consequences. As far as personal struggles, dealing with the unexpected death of my 42-year-old brother in early 2007 was and continues to be a difficult struggle for me, which has affected my children. They realize it is important to make the best of your time together as there are no guarantees in life. Seven months after my brother’s passing, Tyler and Nicolas had to deal with the death of their good friend 14-year-old Laura Buonpastore. Although death is an uncomfortable topic for most teenagers to deal with, the boys have supported each other and we have openly dealt with loss as a family. We are able to share our feelings and grief with each other.

Mother: Dawn Silverman
8-year-old Cameron
5-year-old Leah

I am a stay-at-home mother. When my husband and I made the decision to have children, it was important to both of us that I stay at home to take care of them. Although I consider my first (and most important) job to be a mommy, I have managed to find my own niche in the online world. I write for a website owned by The New York Times, where I have my own guide site. I also do consulting work for a psychologist who owns and runs websites that help prepare people for their licensing exams in Counseling, Psychology, and Social Work. I research and write test-prep questions, case studies and modules for his websites and have been a contributing author in his recently- published study manual.

On top of all this, I provide online therapy where I counsel people via the internet. I am also a professor who teaches psychology and cultural diversity courses online. I am currently pursuing my PhD in psychology. The internet has been a blessing for me as it allows me to fulfill my dream job of being a full-time mom while also providing me the flexibility to contribute to the professional world of work.

My son Cameron is the most interesting kid I know! He is fascinated with trains and with Pokemon. He continues to amaze me everyday with his knowledge and insight about the world. We try to structure our vacations around train museums and notable train watching-platforms.

My daughter Leah is my ray of sunshine. She is a total diva and loves anything pink or princess and selects dresses based on the “twirl factor” test. She is smart and has an incredible sense of humor and her spunky personality usually makes her the center of attention wherever she goes!

My children have blessed my life in a way that I could have never anticipated. Both of them are precious gifts that I cherish everyday. Having children teaches you how to be humble and serves as a constant reminder that you don’t have the answer to everything! They’ve taught me to be a better person. I have so much respect for both of my kids—seeing what each of them have learned in such a small span of time truly shows that a person can do anything if you just put your mind to it!

My wish for both my children (besides health and happiness) is for them to never lose their curiosity about the world, to always know how much they were wanted and loved, and to be life-long students—to always try to learn something new each day.

The one piece of advice I would give to a new mom is to just enjoy your children and allow yourself to be mesmerized by them! The early years go by so quickly. Cherish each day without worrying or wondering when they will crawl or talk. If you get caught up in the idea of “I can’t wait until she smiles,” you tend to not appreciate what she is doing right now.

Oftentimes being a stay-at-home mom is viewed negatively by others. People wonder why she gave up on her dreams and career to “just be a mom.” I appreciate that some women feel that they deserve to have it all – be a mom and have a career. There is NO job more rewarding or important than that of raising a child. It may not be glamorous and it certainly isn’t easy, yet to know that I have two children who think that I am the most incredible person in the world is better than any paycheck or promotion.

Each and every day it is my mission to show them that they are miracles in my life and I will do all that I can to nurture them, hug them, love them and appreciate every moment I have with them.

(You can visit Dawn’s website at http://contraception.about.com)

Mother: Lisa Nardi
15-year-old Brianna (Breezy)
12-year-old
Amanda (Mina) 10-year-old

Monica I am first and foremost a “stay-at-home mom”. Others say I'm an artist (I paint and create wood items). I have a passion for “earth awareness” and I am a distributor for a "GREEN" company called Shaklee, dedicated to healthy people/healthy homes. Unfortunately, I haven't made money at it, but I am on a mission to educate individuals on how to create healthy homes for their families!

I have three wonderful daughters. Brianna is an award-winning athlete excelling in soccer and Tae Kwon Do. Amanda is an honor student and a talented vocalist. My youngest, Monica, is a phenomenal artist and also a gifted vocalist. I am extremely proud of each of them. They have such different personalities—it's difficult to believe they share the same blood. Other than their common goal of making me crazy... they do share a very compassionate and loyal nature. Not always towards each other, but nobody’s perfect, right?!

I try to stay in tune with them by volunteering with their activities. I am the PTO president at Landings Middle School and volunteer throughout the community. My girls will tell you I'm everybody’s mother and I most always have a house full of their friends. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way!

I think the only things I really want for my children are for them to have a positive attitude and true happiness. I've seen people who have held on to such positivity, even in the worst financial difficulties and the most terrible health issues. I want them to know they can smile even through the toughest of times.

It's been difficult for my children dealing with my anaphylaxis. I have developed allergies in the past 7 years to perfumes, air fresheners and foods that cause me to stop breathing. It's very scary for them when it happens because it is a life threatening situation and they know it. I'm unable to go to church with them and when we are in the company of perfume-laden people they panic, especially my youngest. I hate the fact that my children have to worry about me that way.

When it comes to advice, I was actually given this guideline by my wonderful mother and would pass it on. “Don't wear yourself out with worry and work...have faith and do the best you can...they grow up in SPITE of you."

Lisa’s daughters were asked to give a few sentences about what their mother means to them in their life. Here’s just a sample of one of the responses from 15-year-old Brianna (Breezy).

“My mother means the world to me. She’s always doing something crazy. There is never a dull moment with her. Whether she’s trying to embarrass us or just plain being herself, she’s always fun to be around. She’s also the neighborhood mom who drives our friends to and from school almost everyday and normally has half the neighborhood kids in our house. She is as close as it gets to super mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love her with all my heart!”

(Be a part of Lisa’s “earth awareness” at www.shaklee.net/lisanardi).

Mother: Shari Zipp
12-year-old Andrew

My name is Shari Zipp. I live in Wellington with my husband Dr. Jeffrey Zipp, Andrew and Sparky. Sparky is our puppy and he brings sparks to my life. Six weeks after we purchased our Shitzu, I was diagnosed with Stage III Cancer. Our family takes life one day at a time and live each and every day to the fullest.

I am the Vice President for Your Bosom Buddies II, Inc., a Cancer Support Group based at Wellington Regional Hospital. I personally coach NP's who are diagnosed with cancer and help them with their own personal journey. I am extremely dedicated to YBBII, Inc. and hope that in our near future we find a cure for cancer and one day prevent it.

My son Andrew is an honor student at Polo Park Middle. He plays baseball for a travel team in Wellington. He loves his sports!

The best part of being a mom is watching Andrew grow each day. When he was a baby he always did something new and I am still experiencing that everyday. I love being a mom. The most challenging part is being the boss and having to discipline and tell him what to do at this age.

It has been hard for my family to see me struggle. I think seeing me in my down moments of being sick made Andrew stronger and a more loving and caring child. He seems to be aware of what could be possible in the future. The one thing I want for Andrew, besides good health and happiness, is a care-free life of not having to experience his mom being ill.

The advice I would give to any mom is to always try to cherish each and every moment and to give your children room to grow and expand their horizons. (YBBII Cancer Support Group meets the second Thursday of every month at 7:00pm at the Cancer Center behind Wellington Regional Hospital. You can visit YourBosomBuddiesII.org for more information).

Mother: Karen Hinegardner
8-year-old Tanner
5-year-old Jack

Previous to our move here, I worked for 8 years as a Pediatric RN in a hospital on weekends, so I could be home with my children during the week. Since we moved to this area, I’ve taught nursing, (very part- time at PBCC), worked as a Nurse Consultant to a Law Firm and most recently worked at Kevin Leahy's State Farm Agency in Royal Palm Beach on the days my youngest goes to preschool. I’ve always been very active in my children's school being a volunteer—which if allowed, it could assume full-time hours itself. I can honestly say my career goal has always been to be a great wife and, as best as I can be, a great mother, putting outside work on the back burner. Soon my career will be shifting into full-time work mode and I will be challenged with balancing both. I have two of the most beautiful boys, (don't all mothers and grandmothers say that!) But, I really do—their spirit and sweetness fills me up and keeps me going. Tanner is my sensitive, compassionate and active boy. He loves his Ripstick and with his incredible balance makes it look easy. He has always been physically active and is constantly amazing us with his intelligence.

Jack is my “snuggler” and is like a quiet shadow on the days we are home together. He is my careful child and is always asking before he does anything. He impresses me with all he discovers and warms my heart with his sweet angelic voice saying “because I just love you Mommy” in response to a lot of things. Both Jack and Tanner play extremely well together, making parenting a breeze most days.

The best part of having children is really having that incredible, unconditional love bond with someone. No matter what my children do, there is absolutely nothing that can change that bond. I am constantly telling my children I love them, and it feels good to get that back. (Believe me I am enjoying every minute of their youth, when Mommy is still the apple of their eye.) Which brings me to the most challenging issue—how to parent them and not make a blunder of it. As a nurse I felt confident in taking care of them physically; it was mentally that scared me.

Once I “threw away,” (donated), all the toys on the floor that Tanner did not pick up after he was warned what would happen if he did not clean them up. I seriously thought I was going to have to take him to therapy at age 4! He still, to this day, talks about some of those toys. I guess I will find out later in life how that affected him. He may keep a very messy house but for now he picks up his toys better.

I know that my husband would say my personal struggle is cleaning too much. I am one of those who cleans before the housekeeper comes. I do realize from time to time that the floor can wait, the laundry can sit there and I really should go spend time with my family. That is a huge struggle for me and I think others moms will know what I mean when I say “I will be there in a minute” and then the “'Mommy minute” turns into a hour or sometimes never. I am constantly fighting the urge to keep my house straightened up, and so far the health inspector has not appeared at the front door to do an inspection. Through my struggle with balancing household chores, I do think I’ve lost many valuable hours of play time.

Your kids are only little once, and someday they won't want me to play with them. I doubt when they are older they will remember or say, “You know our house always smelled like Lysol.” I would much rather they remember the smell of baking cookies in the shape of their name or time spent playing with Play-Dough.

If there was one thing I could have for my children no matter what the cost it is good health! I have had the unfortunate journey of watching my cousin's son (Tyler) battle Leukemia. As a Pediatric nurse I was surrounded by children with illness all the time, but when you can feel first hand the emotion that goes with watching a child you love fight for his life, it just takes your breath away to imagine what that parent feels. It makes you hug your own children a little longer, and enjoy them even more because you never know what life will bring you. It is a true blessing from God the time you have with each other on this earth and something we often take for granted. (P.S.- Go donate blood to help someone. Tyler had to wait 8 hours once for platelets. Do it for all the children who battle with cancer!)

One piece of advice I would give to a new mom that I wish someone would have given me in the beginning. “Don't wish their life away.” (I wish they could walk, I wish they could talk, etc.) Don’t worry and just enjoy them. So many times I felt like I needed to follow the latest books or the advice of others, comparing my children's milestones to others. Your children are unique and not always “textbook.” You will find your own way. Take the good from a little bit of everything you learn. Show them LOVE in everything you do and everything will be just fine.

Lois Spatz is a mother of two, freelance writer and photographer who lives in Wellington. She enjoys telling stories and photographing the people who live, work and play in Palm Beach County’s Western Communities.
	Thanks to all of the mother and children who participated in this Mother’s Day story!